Are you one of those people who deep down just don’t feel good enough? The fact is that many of us spend our lives putting ourselves down, dismissing our achievements, and pushing ourselves mercilessly. I certainly did this for most of my life.
Far from making us more successful, this only has the effect of ramping up our stress and undermining our wellbeing – and of course in the long run, this greatly reduces our fulfilment in life and our achievements.
So why is this the case? On what basis are we measuring ourselves?
Well, as ever, it is the subconscious mind which decides these things for us. It makes its judgements based on its set of standards and its benchmark, and then tells you whether or not you have measured up.
This is our big problem. Practically all the standards we are using under the surface are based on the old default male programming. There is no judgement in this, it is simply the result of the history we have inherited. These things are shifting, but it is a very slow process – much slower than our external world.
Unfortunately though, if a woman is measuring herself against a benchmark that is made of male parameters, we are doomed to failure each and every single day.
Now, on the surface, we don’t realise this is happening. All we know is that we haven’t measured up. All we know is that we have somehow failed, regardless of the quality of what we are doing.
So, the first step to restoring balance and wellbeing, and getting out of the negative spiral of self-criticism that leads to burnout, is to abandon those subconscious standards that just don’t fit us.
That is easier said than done of course, but by understanding what is happening, and shining the light of reason, you can start to free yourself. Next time that feeling of ‘not good enough’ ‘I’ve failed’ or ‘must try harder’ starts to undermine you, stop and consciously reassess the situation.
For every situation where the world (or your subconscious mind) is still using a male default, this isn’t the only way – there is another female-based way which is just as good. More than that, there is a way which is uniquely you. When you are aligned with yourself, and understand that those parameters of the past are no longer valid, you will begin to know your true value. Not only that, you will begin to allow the unique aspects of yourself, the ones which have been suppressed in order to conform, to come to life and blossom.
That is when you find joy and fulfilment in your life, and everyone around you benefits too.